i was done with all my theory lesson today. yea! i'm left with theory evaluation which enable me to do my theory test. yup. hopefully i can clear my theory stuff first before i do my practical even though i can do them together. wouldnt want to stuff to much info in my rusty brain of mine. haha.

one thing i need to start working on is my hand leg and body cordination. haha. i have to use all my 4 limbs to work sia! now then i know! haha. shit shit.

anyway, today after a long ordeal, i met my dear cuz. haha. so fun with her.
"cuz! must go eat waffles and flatten chicken soon ok before your IMF thing."


o. its sad that my fellow collegue is being charge in court for an old case thats being brought up again and its sad enough that i had to be the witness. why i'm sad? coz i dont have enough facts to support him. thats the thing. i was very reluctant to be his witness but he had no choice. i told him what i'm going to say in court and it might not help him one bit. i for sure cant tell any lie in court if not, i kena oso. so yah. god bless you lah fren.

thats it for today.



"am i a special one in your life or just another friend that is wondering around you?"

love reading it?

an entry dated: 18 march 2006

"..ure the bestest bestest guy a girl could ever ever ask for. and about whatever that happened last friday night, or after, rest assured it'll never ever happen again ok? and that you know i will always tell you the truth. so stop dreaming stupid dreams in your sleep okie? ok. muax. dah eh. hee..."

another entry dated: 11 April 2006


"...today's post will be about my bf.

actually i dont have much to say except that recently, i feel more love from him. hahaha. faizal is the kind of guy who rarely voice out his anger or irritation. he's always very sensible and understanding and quite unhumanly perfect if you ask me. hahaha. dont take it in a wrong way k b. he has never been mad at me or scolded me or anything. he's only been disapponted in me many many times. ok. so that makes him quite human la if you ask me.

then like recently, my darling actually stood up for me. cause he was irritated!!! with the YOU#1 in referral to my previous entry. hahaha. i actually didnt expec him to be so agresive. like i said before, he's quite unhumanly perfect. but i guess when he make a move, then i suggest you run away. :P whatever it is, i feel so loved by my bf. i feel so protected by my soldier in green uniform.

and with that darling, i love you too even if you irritate the hell out of me sometime, when you're trying to irritate me. (eg. kupukupu dalam perot.)

happy 17th month to us handsome.


dated: 18 May 2006

"..heard rihanna's unfaithful on perfect10 just now. and since then, it has been looping on my itunes. haiz. i dunno why, but the chorus really got to me. its not that ive been unfeithful. but i think, this few months, i havent been treating the boyfriend the way he was supposed to be treated. me and my mood swings. me and my crankiness. i realise that im always snapping at him and then just giving him the silent treatment. i dunno why. he have never ever ever scolded me and this is what i do to him.

i realise that smt about me still stays the same after all this years. i thought i have learnt to open up more, but i realise the opening up part will only happen when im happy or when im really angry. i realise that when im upset, i dont want ppl to know whats wrong. and i dont like people worrying about me. and i think that fact is driving faizal insane because everytime i get upset, i'll just keep quiet and keep to myself.

im sorry k darling. but, after today, i'll try to open up more to you k. ): .."




dated: 25 May 2006

"..i have seen relationships come and go. be it mine or my friend's. and from all those, ive learnt that the last thing a person should do is to lie to their significant other. that is a major mistake.

baby. you know me well enough. you know that if i lied, or did something wrong, i will readily admit it to you after i feel so so guilty. and darling, im sorry. i didnt know what came over me. i know you hate him. i know you dont feel comfy with him being around me. and i really dunno what overcame me when i agreed to meet him tomorrow.

i guess, when you told me you have bad feelings, it kinda rub off on me. after i lied to you, my heart just took a huge turn and like crash. i started having bad feelings in the pit of my stomach that i just picked up my phone to cancel on him.

im really sorry. please please dont be mad.




you know what makes a soulmate? when the person you are with makes you want to be a better person each day. ive found that person. but damn it if im stupid enough to make supid mistakes to kill us. i should really wake up man. ):

i love you darling.


[edit] im sorry for calling you so late. im sorry for disturbing your sleep. and im sorry for just crying and not saying anything. im just so sorry. thank you for being you.





"...hey baby,
when we are together,
doing things that we love.
every time youre near
i feel like im in heaven, feeling high
i dont want to let go.
i just need you to know.

i dont wanna run away,
baby youre the one i need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now i need to hold you tight,
i just wanna die in your arms..."


[/edit]..">


was reading thru her past entries. ok i'm too sad to carry on. *sobs*










we need to be strong baby. be stronger than ever.

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we wont take the lift up. its too fast.
just take the slow trip up the stairs.
she would like to enjoy the scenery at certain floors
and take a good breather,
while i watch her doing so.
once she ready, we go up higher each time.
tell me once we are at THE floor.
we will work a new plan from there.




and this is my horoscope from frenster today:
The Bottom Line
Someone close to you is ready to open up and get some important negotiations going.

In Detail
If you have been waiting for someone to come around to your way of thinking -- or share more about how they are thinking -- this could be the day when all your patience pays off. Someone close to you is ready to open up and get some negotiations going. Take advantage of this as early as you can today and try to get some alone time for the two of you. Initiate the more sensitive topics you've been avoiding and you just may be surprised how receptive they are.

one thing abt horoscope on friendter is that they are sooo freaking true abt me and my life ah! i really wonder who is this person who made the horoscope thing. *looks ard* well, i dont usually believe in horoscope, but i'm starting to. hehe

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finally my first Duty Orderly Sergeant Duty or DOS or Battalion Orderly Sergeant(as they call it in other battalions) is done.

and as usual being the camwhore that i was and being bored doing the duty on a weekend.....




haha. ok end.




i just had a good day ah. from the journey home, to the cleaning of the fish tank, to the conversations over msn and phones, to my short nap and going to meet ben later. yup. simple day today on a great sunday! woohoo.

i love you izyan

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i'm home. for a while only. i have to make back to camp tonight. i have duty tomorrow. Duty to take care of the camp and nation. bluergh. Not on a weekend ah. haiz.

cuz had to do some errands today at the very last min. so i met up with the lovely izyan.

hehe
i'm glad that something is working out here.

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ok here i am again. blogging again before i book in.

looks like its going to be random ah.



morning.
nothing.

afternoon.
fetch brother from sch
shopping for grocery at the market for mum.
lesson at bbdc.
major headache.
cured by redbull.
called izyan. :)

night.
watched singapore idol
blogging here
booking in.




poor fren of mine kena court case and poor me that i've to be his witness for something he did which i have no idea to. its sucky ok to be in this situation but i guess i have to do something for a fren before i ord.

motorbike by december pls. basic theory lesson is such a bore! i think i should do practical and theory at the same time. money le? haiz. where to get money!!!!

remember people abt singapore idol people. vote the right one. gurmit mention that its our fault we didnt vote for mathilda. hello!? we did vote. i vote ok honestly. i voted for nurul. just that all the small girls who havent get thier O level certs still thinks that thinks looks are impt. HELOO! ITS A SINGING COMPETITION!! PLS DONT VOTE FOR JOAKIM. WE are voting. just dont vote for the wrong person!

and whats more painful. Joakim is singing gurmit singh song! argh. i think gurmit sang better. seriously. i put a curse on you people those voted for number 3. HE SUCK! he still doesnt get it. perfoming is only 1% of the competition. ha. and ken gave the best COMMENT.

comment by ken:

Audience, give me a few seconds of silence

*silence*

hear that. that sound even better than you singing


ha. good sia the comment. listen people. dont fucking vote for joakim. its spoiling the tv image. singapore image. pls. dont vote!


ok lah. have to go now. tata.

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here's an entry that i've wanted to write on sunday but i just forgot to.




i've been someone who have not been myself lately. not knowing my limits. not knowing where the line is drawn. i want to respect people and vice versa. i really do. but i just dont know how to do it well. in turn, i betrayed trust and loyalty and love in doing so and i know its not right way to do. its just very wrong. its so not me to be this way. its so not me.

forgive me people if i've hurt you, espescially to the special one. forgive me for what ever unhappiness i've caused. and if i'm not forgiven, its ok. i deserve it. but pls, accept the changes that i might be going thru. i might be the same, but a little different.

questions are meant to be answered. but not all questions MUST be answered. i just cant get that in my head yet. i've been doing too little thinking and its been hitting me hard now suddenly.

space is everyone entitlement. the thing about space is that we are given the choice to let the other person know if its ok to know whats in that....

i dont know where i am going with this. i'll give you space if you want ok?

i'm just screw up. i knows lies are bad but at times, lies are good to get things going. to get somewhere. i dont know that place but its somewhere ah. lies that are good. so that it might not hurt someone.

just dont too much.

sorry.

i'm weak. i'm very emotional. and i know things will not go my way now. it wont.

"..learn from mistakes and move on. you got to be strong, i need to pick up myself and just move on.."




*sobs* :'(
goodbye everyone.
goodbye faizal.
goodbye izyan.

i guess the old faizal will be gone.

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today was nothing much of just meeting her once again and being happy for a day. went ben and jerry's since i got the voucher. should go there at least once a month and chill lah. great place to chill. hehe.



thats her




thats what we ate




and this is us.


its explains everything already that we had fun. hehe.


i need to tuck in early now. tml i have basic theory lesson tml at bbdc. hehe. i feel so weird going there tml. haha.

gd night people.

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"Chasing Cars"

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

[chorus]
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

[chorus]

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

[chorus]

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

[chorus]




its a new layout. and its done by me! after a very long period of of 'stealing' peoples idea, i got to use my creative brains and use creative colors. idea is from someone lah actually.

saturday is kinda boring. i had no one to go out with. everybody seem to be working or sick. like my irrirating cuz lah. sleep out on me! grr. if not can go watch MI 3 just now at padang.

erm. pity yan got to suffer alot just now for a pathetic pay. like what we ARMY men always say, OVERWORK UNDERPAID. yup. thats what she's experiencing just now. poor her. no more working at night on saturday ok! no no.

i wish i staying in pasir ris and be with the kampung minahs. eh u eh. wah lau. so sad cant lepak with them. *prays hard get his license very very soon*


anyway i gtg now. wanna sleep. ben and jerry's tml! wee....

love reading it?

people ask me to update.

ha.



yesterday didnt do anything much lah. just fetch from work, honeystars, fruits, green tea, send to tuition and accompany to kopitiam.

in between details, only we know ok.


what shall i do on a saturday? Run? Cycle? Swim? Weights? *flex his muscles and reminded of someone's shirt with the words 'We Got MUSSELS'*

o well. stay home je ah i guess. its been a while i stay home. i'm going to teach my brother for his exams i guess. he will die lah. haha. sorry brother. you got to blame ayah for the way he treated me last time. now its your turn! muahahahaha....

ok lah.

i just surprises a few mins ago. hmm. and i wonder where my mmc card is!!!!!! grrrr

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you people didnt hear what gurmit singh said is it? Vote for a SINGER!!

A S-I-N-G-E-R!

people who voted for joakim, i got a message for people:

dont vote just because he/she is good looking. crying out loud he cant sing! idiot! FUCK YOU PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR JOAKIM! FUCK YOU.

If next week he stays, i'm so going to start anti-joakim campaign. yup2. i dont want him to be in. he cant sing. you people try to listen to him and not watch him perform. just do that and compare with mathilda.

shit. i'm pissed. gone lah!

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gosh gosh.

i kept telling myself to update abt singapore idols before the results show later so here it is ok. some comments.

all except joakim are great. people still dont get it that Singapore Idol is a singing competiton and not a place to look cute ok? so fine you are cute towards the girls but this morning when they played the highlights over the RADIO, joakim sounds like a normal guy singing in the TOILET!

come people i think the past participants who been voted out has a better chance then him. you wounldnt want someone who cant sing but only looks good representing our country right? so make the right choice people. VOTE JOAKIM OUT! you do singaporeans a big big favour.

a msg to those little girls who think joakim should stay. just dont waste money lah alright? there's johnathan and hady what. they are way way better. its like joakim is sleague and hady and johnathan is in EPL you noe. haha.


too bad she got to meet haikel for something so i didnt get to met her today. maybe tomorrow but i'm still happy. i bought my bag finally. haha. bag tat i've been looking around for a long long time. its super duper big ah. so next time need to go holiday or shift camps, i got only one bag to carry. muhahaha.

i was darn sleepy in the bus on the way home till the bus stop infront of this pri sch. i saw this grp of pri sch kids gathering around in 2 grps. i thought they were playing some game but in the end, i saw fist flying and pushes being involved. haha. it was funny lah. not even 13 and they are already fighting. future mats and minahs of singapore i guess. what ever lah. it was quite an entertainment even though i had the heart to just get down the bus and stop it. but a grp against one? haa. no no

i bought a new bag!
i mention that already right? hahahah

love reading it?

let me think abt what i want to update today and and by saying that, you people can tell it will be so random ah. haha.

anyway, i am suppose to be on half day leave today which means i only can leave camp after lunch time today but i was already back yesterday night. haha. this is what i called playing punk or in layman terms, BAD BOY! o please someone spank me hard! haha.

you cant blame me lah people. i'm in the mood. ORD mood to be excact. Its my turn to enjoy and be the bad boy and let the new birds suffer in camp. muahaha. sorry guys. but i've seen to many people go and its my turn. your turn will come!

i was back in camp on wednesday for real work and gosh i was suey enough to be on duty, Company Duty Sergeant lah to be exact. I basically the 2nd In charge of the Coy in duty terms and whole lot of shit came. haha. i hate the feeling sia. i mean, i've been slacking and doing nothing for the past few days and suddenly, work work work. haha. luckily army has trained me well to adapt to changes quickly. haha. i'm so selling SAF ah.

haha. anyway, alot of people have been asking me what i want to do after NS? Study? Work?

i told them both. i will work under any of the Home Team organisation and when i'm ready and have the money, i will get a degree. Insyallah. some seem positive abt what i'm doing but others dont. due the fact that i'm heading over the blue side. geez. i dont think thier opinions will affect me lah at this moment.




i read her blog and i refer back to 'you and me' entry dated on the 160806. the picture, the dates and what she wrote. its imprinted in my heart. maybe i should write something abt me and her too.




11 Nov 2004.
we were clueless if we're together or not.

13 August 2006
we are clueless if we're should be together or not.

i remember what you told me. very clearly.

here in me too, there is a special place in my heart. that no one else can replace. that place is like chair, a place for you. izyan, you're irreplacable.

i too do really love you and yup, it wont be the end.

i give you time. hope there's US again.



okok. done. *sobs*


enough faizal enough. i'm macho and strong! *flex his skinny body* haha

anyway, yesterday was funny too. its been ages that i seen my OC. i knew i was promoted last week but i didnt bother to go to sew on the new rank on my sleeves since i'm going to leave the army soon. this was the conversation i had with him.

*he comes into the company office where i was in there*
OC: eh faizal, you back. how are u?
me: ok sir. abit sick ah but getting betta.
OC: o ok. take care ok. o yah, you know you promoted already right?
me: yesh SIR!
OC: Sewn the rank already?
me: *act blur* er...not yet ah sir.
( i wanted to say yes but knowing i have to wear uniform in the later part of the day, i just had to tell the truth)
OC: WHAT THE !@#$#^$&$Y%^$&&. You think u !@$$@#^$%^%$. I swear i going to !@$@^#$^%$#&
me: yes sir. sorry sir. i get it done when u see me next time sir.
(ran away from the battlefield)
OC: YOU BETTA!

haha. shit sia. i'm so in my ord mood. thats why kena marah. haha.


Life is wonderful
It takes a crane to build a crane
It takes two floors to make a story
It takes an egg to make a hen
It takes a hen to make an egg
There is no end to what I'm saying

It takes a thought to make a word
And it takes some words to make an action
It takes some work to make it work
It takes some good to make it hurt
It takes some bad for satisfaction

La la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Al la la la la

It takes a night to make it dawn
And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
And it takes some old to make you young
It takes some cold to know the sun
It takes the one to have the other

And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes the dust to have it polished

Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is so full of
Ah la la la la la la life is so rough
Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
Ah la la la la la la life is our love
Ah la la la la la

It takes some silence to make sound
It takes a loss before you found it
And it takes a road to go nowhere
It takes a toll to make you care
It takes a hole to make a mountain

yup. life is wonderful. but one thing for sure. life would be really boring if there's isnt any obstacle in between them.

hmm..just imagine you are going to run for example 4 km, but u chose to run on the track. no obstacles, just a smooth track to go thru. around aroud the track 10 times imagine that!

comapre it with the same activity, same distance but on a challenging road ahead with obstacles like ups and down slopes. yes its painful to go thru but i think its worth the ride knowing that you have gone thru those rahter than just a flat smooth road right?

what i'm trying to say here to all of you, what ever comes ahead of you, good or bad, just take it. Enjoy the good moments and learn from bad lessons. at the end of the journey, you know you have achieved something for yourself. yup, its your life. no one else.

with that, i'm late! haha. i got to go now. going lavender to sew on my new rank.
*cursing and swearing about what happen*

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songs that i seem to be hearing and pondering often now.....haiz..

".....No matter what I do, all I think about is you
Even when I'm with my boo,
boy you know I'm crazy over you
No matter what I do, all I think about is you
Even when I'm with my boo, boy you know I'm crazy over you...."

"..I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me...."

and a new one by snow patrol

"You Could Be Happy"


You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

love reading it?

i'm sick. i think. hahaha.



anyway, i read your blog and she's breaking into pieces?! how could this be? just picit and i gigit!haha. i mean talk to u lah if u need ok? and dont need to cry lah. just give your heart to someone you love aite? :)

like what i always say, dont die on me! i'm here for u.
*poses like superman with the superman song on the background*

and i noe cpr u noe if you ever to be out of breathe *cheeky grinz*


o yah...when u feeling down, go shake that elmo ok? pls. do it for me and elmo.

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its over..but we're dating.

simply said we are really restarting all over again. from nothing. like how i met her almost 2 yrs ago.

thats it.

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i'm waiting for the reply........

love reading it?

my sleep last night was mere of wierd dreams. dreams that turn into nightmare when my brain starts to think abt her in my sleep.

i guess this happen due to the fact that she wasnt in a good mood last night and she didnt sms me too. i kept thinking what happened on her date? was it betta than mine? obviously i think so. but i didnt think much. i enjoyed at campfire with the campers till late night.

ok the dream or should i say the nightmare kept me in the shit for the past one week. i'm going to tell the whole world lah abt this. no one cares abt me anyway. o yah, take note. i think i should let my side of my world know to that izyan and me are on time out till her birthday? thats in like one month time. she just need the time from me. the boring me.

anyway the nightmare was that i was haunted by anti-cupid things. haha. stupid right. all those cupids in my dream kept dying and dying till i saw her. she just told me that i just want to know that our love has faded and its getting fader as time goes by. then she showed me this letter and burnt it up. the letter was the last letter she sent.

i woke up. washed my face. sat down and slowly got into my sleep again and again another dream came up, and whats worst, i think it was abt her date. i had no idea how the guy looked like but i saw her. they couldnt see me. its like me being casper. saw them smoking. she smoking? ouch . i went and went and went till the point they were going to split up. he stopped the cab for her, open the door for her, kissed her and she said "bye and thanz darling" to him.

its a big ouch. i realise i was no more the guy for her. no more. someone its taking my place for sure and she seem to be liking that replacement. :( i just leading an empty life now.

i looked at her public lj that she posted up a year ago. pls izyan read these entries again. may it change your thought, hurt you or stay the same, just read it ok? just spend a few min on them pls. some entries are :

dated : 6 june 2005

i miss my B. i think i kinda broke down last night. and because of me. now he's having that doubts again about signing on. it took him soo long to decide on whether to do it or not. and when he finally decides and is confident about doing it, there i am, putting the doubts back.
B's having doubts because of me. worrying that i'll be very very affected by him not being here. i mean. of course i will be affected. but. both of us want this relationship to work out. and we will. no matter what decision you make B, i'll be there, supporting you all the wae. and even if it means not getting to meet you as often as i want it to be, then so be it. I'LLWAIT..

and this....

dated: 23 jan 2005

anyway. my dear know all about this. i told him. we're very open about things so no point hiding. not as if i did anything worng. its just the thrill of flirting. and fun. he understands me. that is why he's my bf!!!

and a few entries for her blogs:

dated: 25 August 2005
muhd faizal b abu bakar.somewhere around this date a year or eleven months before, fate was sealed when you decided to reply to my message to you.and now, at this moment of time, there's nothing more that i want to do but to hold you close and just enjoy the moment. just like we did the night we went to watch the 0100hrs movie.just like we did during nye.just like we did that night we camped at east coast park.just like we did everytime we meet.i miss you so much.i cant help the feeling when i went through my albums just now.you. me. you.you.you.just like what i told you that day.im gonna play dumb and pretend that everything is okie and nothing will disappoint me till the day you ord.*i need you soo badly right now.

others from izyan's blog:
05 sept 2005
20 sept 2005
11 nov 2005

13 nov 2005:
thesmile you gave when you said thank you.
[edit] its 0505hrs now. and im still not asleep. but im tired aedy. ive been waiting for my brain and body to be drained out since 4 hours ago. ijal... call me when you read this k. i want to talk to you... even if its 6am. just call. [/edit]look at the time now.its been a long time since im up at this hour.everything today was going so well.everything went perfect.ijal was the cutest thing my eyes set upon.his presence makes everything just so perfect.but the camera thing just had to happen 15mins b4 the day ends. i feel so sad. i dunno why. maybe the fact that he didnt get angry with me just made everything worse you knoe?? its like, no matter how i fucked up, he will never be mad at me.thats just the thing. he is not angry at me. then why the hell am i feeling like the suckiest person on earth?while waiting for him to get home so i can call him, i fell asleep. an hour++ later, i woke up to a jolt. i saw two message from him. the second one says good night... but i dunno why. i just started crying. i msgd back good night. but 5mins later, i felt the urgent need to call him and tell him i love him, but he didnt answer. i feel so hopeless. after that, i cant get back to sleep. everytime i close my eyes to sleep, i see his face. and sumhow someway, without me realising why, the image of him smiling back at me makes me cry.):you're the last thing i see before i go to sleep.and the last mental picture of you was when you smiled and said thank you for the card.






:'( i cant help that these wonderful memories will just be another thing in my life soon. i just cant put up an act of being storng and hold back my tears. izyan, you are everything to me. i dont know the dream i had its true or not but it felt real. she saying darling to him is a sign that i might not be in her heart anymore. just another friend that she has i guess.

35 days left.

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i had fun with yan today. did double double dates today. haha. yup2. food. fun. even though there were sad moments, but everything turn out well. :)

38 days more dear.

i'm looking forward to that day

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songs that suddenly been a thing from me. songs that have been very meaningful for me...


Unfaithful - Rihanna
Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well



and this one too....

Here without you - 3 Doors Down
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it wont take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me

haiz...its really been a pain everytime this songs played on my mp3 or radio. gosh. i guess its the blues i'm getting.

anyway b, those songs i would want you do hear k. songs of the month i guess till your birthday.

:

adios. you are still part of my life, heart and soul baby.

39 more days

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its time for me to keep shouting this word in my company line. ORD LO!!. haha.

my frez just ORD-ed today and thats a clear sign for me to do my part of ending my service with the service with pride and honour.

anyway, being in camp for 3 days before national day was fun. everybody was in the partying mood. esp me and the ord specialist. haha. just sit down and be a stubborn baby. but hey, out time has come lah brother.

i got pics to show you guys. but i think i edit it on another day ah. coz it will be darn interesting ah. haha. so just wait up k.

cuz is getting irritating over frenster. haha. but i she still my cuz. haha. terpaksa aku layan karena dia coz she layan me too mah. haha


i end here ah. so sleepy ah. need to do for izyan's frenster somemore.

love reading it?

its time for me to keep shouting this word in my company line. ORD LO!!. haha.

my frez just ORD-ed today and thats a clear sign for me to do my part of ending my service with the service with pride and honour.

anyway, being in camp for 3 days before national day was fun. everybody was in the partying mood. esp me and the ord specialist. haha. just sit down and be a stubborn baby. but hey, out time has come lah brother.

i got pics to show you guys. but i think i edit it on another day ah. coz it will be darn interesting ah. haha. so just wait up k.

cuz is getting irritating over frenster. haha. but i she still my cuz. haha. terpaksa aku layan karena dia coz she layan me too mah. haha


i end here ah. so sleepy ah. need to do for izyan's frenster somemore.

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i'm updating this due to the fact i couldnt sleep last night.

anyway when the gf calls the bf by his full name with the sgt or what ever with it, it isnt a good sign esp when it refers to my relationship.

dearest izyan,

what ever you said yesterday was a eye and heart opener to me. you say you are messed up, lost. you wouldnt be if you had talk all those stuff. its ok if you hurt me. i think i can take it. dont keep stuff with you anymore. not happy or we need to settle some issues, we will talk about it ok.

now its just matter of time. even though i can take the pain, i wouldnt want to make it last for long. the feeling sucks. i would like answers so that i can move on either with u again or alone.

its not your fault that everything become like this. its also my fault that i didnt make an effort to keep things together and try to dig out stuff from you which you never like.

i will see you later. the kiss, the hug, the salam. i hope i get those later. for know, i'm anxiously waiting to see the princess. the girl that i was waiting for. the girl that i want. the girl that i love and still loving.

:( its just so sad.

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i been wanting to find the perfect blog skin for a change but i guess Z monster is already coming to get me.........

the week was nothing much more of a relaxing to stress to sad to pissed to fun kind of week. yup2. many things happen this week.

first, there's nothing for the recruits. monday i fired 900 live rounds on an mg for the last time in my army ns career.
haha. how fun.

next, i had to do stuff which i should not be doing but i still do coz i'm anything one. that made me pissed.

stressed coz of recruits having to fall sick and wanting this and that this and that. i'm all prepared for a real baby i guess after this.

sad that my buddies are leaving the army already. its going to be so boring w/o them. i have to make new fun with the new specialist which always give me a hard time.

and fun for the ord function i had to day. yup2. all was ok i guess.



i end here lah. i dunno i'm going for national camp or not? i guess not lah. since its so messy. grr.....

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