i'm getting this small fat in front of my abs and gosh, its so ugly man. i guess i really need to cut down on those fatty foods liao and start pumping up! its scary man to see whats happening to me! need to run more. RUN FAIZAL RUN!!! lose that tummy!!!!

just bumped into my cuz friendster. so fun!

i got a new bed.

i got new songs on my sd card!

i'm so in the national camp mood. wee. 4 days camp with bunch of kids again. wee.

NDP is coming which means i'm clearing my leave soon which means i be going to be civilian soon. wee. well, i guess for awhile only. maybe till next year jan or june? yup. just for awhile only. pray hard for me that i get into the SPF aite?

shit! i'm late.....gone liao!!

love reading it?

i was so tired yesterday. that i fall asleep playing my favourite game on the xbox. geez. dad must be pissed if i do that.

o yah, i got home and immediately got online yesterday. i was accepted to help out in the Singapore National Camp this year! yey. for more info abt this camp, just click here. and the best part of that website eh, go my pic lah at the previous national camp held in 2004. haha. so fun!! click here to see. hehe. look carefully!

anyway, its like almost 5 am now and i read some sms from baby. she wants isyah to go with her to ndp instead.

its just a pity that i fell asleep so early yesterday like after i read baby's blog. i wondering if she's refering to me?

yes? no? maybe? i dont know? can you repeat that question? well, most likely me. lagi2 got that song. haiz.

baby dear, can you clear my doubt pls? i think i need to go for some self-reflection run now.maybe 10 km run will do me good.






-endz-

love reading it?

i read the news today abt siti nurhaliza and datok k and its surprising that the age gap between them is like 20 yrs. siti is 27 and datok k is like 47. gosh. why datok k siti? isnt there anyone else?

i presume datok k has alot of money from the title datok. haha. anyway, i think siti has some good plans ahead. she be very rich once her beloved datok k pass away. hehe. smart girl. but hey, siti will be not have a good husband-wife kind thing going on for sure.


i'm booking in soon and i wonder whats up for me this coming days in this week. dig some 'graves' and throw some grenades and thats it i guess.

anyways, july is a sad sad month for me. maximum stress on me from work. the depature of my late atok. some miscommunications and other stuff too. o well. i hope august will be a good month.

i will be starting to clear my leave soon. wee. which means more wonderful times with my gf. yeah.

uncle is supporting me signing on police and i hope i get a spot in there. but it all boils down to me on how well i perform in the interview and if i really DO have the interest, coz civil defence oso like gerek like that. just wait and see lah.

gf wants the army bag. haha. girls have wierd cravings. but whatever it is, as a loving bf, i will satisfy her craving even though its wierd. love u darls.

internet now days is a bore ah. no one coming online now days and nothing in frenster! argh.


i going to get change now to meet my one and old baby! tata!!!!

love reading it?

i had a bad bad headache at 1000hrs yesterday. thinking i didnt have anything in my tummy, i went lunch and hope that my headache will disappear. it didnt.

i thought i didnt had enough rest or sleep. so after lunch, i took a short nap. and i dreamt of some love one. no idea who...but i knew it was someone close in my dream. i woke up and my condition got worst.

i still carried on with my activity despite putting myself at risk. i went on with a 6km with my recruits who are so highly motivated out of the sudden. good job people. this is the PLATOON 4 that i want.

at the end of the 6km, the headache was still there. i decided to wash up and go for dinner then. but even before i was up, the fear being in camp and something happening out there happened. i got a call from home. i thought it would be my irritating brother wanting to tell me something. but it was mum.

the conversation with mum went this way:
mum: ijal, atok dah pergi!"(ijal, grandfather has left us!)
me: huh? atok mana? (huh? which atok?)
mum: atok kita. ayah punya ayah. dia dah pergi. (our atok. dad's dad. he has left)
me: huh! what? *at this point of time i didnt believe what i was hearing*
mum: atok jatoh. pastu kat hospital bile operate, dia meninggal.
(grandfather fell. when he was in hospital for an operation, he left us)
me: huh? i go home i go home now.

i was so darn lost you know. knowing that i have no more atok and only my nenek is left. immediately, all good things come. i have good sergeants that willing to replace my duty today. they stand in for me even though they have stuff to do outside. i thank you for that.

the journey home sucks. really. it felt like as it i was a few months pregnant. with headaches, vomitting, stomach aches and the fever thats not sure if it wants to come or not. it was hell lah.

i was home and the pain is there still and its a pity that the body was still in the hospital.



today, 22 july 2006 i saw my late grandfather in a different state. all in white. all smiling away. the smile that says he's happy out there. ironically, my late grandmother passed away during 15-17 july 2000. i cant remember excatly when but its like they passed away almost together.

and my other late grandfather was like ard 20-30 june 2000. :( i miss them. maybe is me? it happens ard my birthday time.

anyway, my only grandmother was there at my late grandfather house. when the body was already washed, we viewed the body together. and the next thing, both of us was crying. i dont know what my granny was crying about but for me, i'm crying coz i was foolish enough not to noe a great man. haiz. see lah. i always make this kind of mistakes u noe.

and so tears roll down our cheeks and we have trouble holding them back. there was one point of time i hug my nenek to comfort her and she just whispered to my ears,

ijal, you only left me as a grandparent. the other 3 are gone. be strong k. i love you ijal.

i straight away cry like jay lim lah! haiz.

anyways, to cut things short, everything went smoothly. alhamdulillah.






done with that. i wanna talk abt singapore idol. joakim is darn lucky bastard. becoz he got the looks, all the girls go vote for him even though he got a lousy voice. and why the fuck the better singer get voted out. i get revenge on u joakim. i will....i bet u go out next round.

as my ns days is coming to an end, i neeed to ponder and wonder whats next? trying to sign on is a sure thing but where and what? i'm for sure try to get a degreeeee...
o well. lets see what i update tomorrow then. haha.

run run tml morning. must run!

love reading it?

well, i been not sleeping well last night and i've been crying over what is happening now. yup. i'm as emotional as singapore idol's jay.

i think after the Platoon Sergeant course, everything has changed though. really. during that course i burn alot of weekends and spent very little time with her and it seem has been brought over all the way to now.

the name this week is a totally stressed out week. VERY VERY stressed.the work load seem to increase alot more and every mother fucker in camp just want me to do everything. yah, what fuck you people want? i'm just a bloody NSF fucker. why the fuck you want me to work so hard for? give me a regular pay then OF COURSE, i will work hard.

anyway baby, i just wanna know why you snapped at me. even the sorries, the timtams and green tea that you gave and i accepted it, i still wonder why you snapped? its really bothering me.

i dunno you realised but it seems that you're more concerned abt your friends than me. you seem to want to spend more time with them than me coz i dunno, maybe they are more fun. yes, i've read your entry abt us drifting and its true. i also feel the same. i dunno is it me or you or us. but we are drifting. you changed. really. in the way you treated me. its like you holding back something. i dunno. we do have our fun times bu really are we faking it? i think i do sometimes

for me, i always hear your stories abt you and friends. i can tell that you know having the time of your life while i'm in camp suffering alot more than i used to.
i dunno. i tried to tell you what is happening in my life but it seems mcm its all the same for 20 mths coz its NS mah. same stories.

i'm hard at work, stressed. thats why i forgot abt our monthsary and conversations at night have become lesser. you know i'm holding a different appointment now. the one with more responsiblity.

what ever it is, we shall have a good chat. i want to know whats in ur mind. what you want and some stuff like that. yah. for the past meets i wanted to talk abt this, but i just dont want to spoil the meet but i think its time baby that we talk k?

we just need to settle things out may it be going to produce a good or bad outcome. the entry might be very very messy but i hope you get the idea. :`(


-a sad sad soldier lying weak on the ground with his hand smudged with blood thats coming out from his chest-
endz

love reading it?

i think i wont update this blog anymore. i just leave it as it is. just continue seeing this blue thing and enjoy k.

i just pissed with people in camp and disappointed with someone who snapped at me. haiz...

what a weekend.


what a weekend.

boook in timing 2000hrs. i have a sad life.


-endz-

love reading it?

song running in my head. No No No....

haha


let me start
......i hate it when my weekend seem so short. and whats more, during that short period i have to do so many stuff. grr. a heavy load on my thinking mind on what to do.

anyway, yesterday was a sudden surprise from my baby. she bought me my birthday present tau! haha. so nice of her even though she's running out of money. hmm. not saying that i dont care abt her, she insist on getting me something. so yah, she was happy that i was happy. hehe. thanz again for the birthday gift.

met ben after gf. yup. buddies for like 4-5 yrs sia. didnt realise till yesterday. hehe. if only he was a she. haha. maybe things will be slightly different. hgahaha..joking je eh. hahaha.

the thought of spending so much saturdays in camp these few weeks might have a toll on me lah i think. coz i get to see my gf much much lesser, missing her. its like the moment she left my hands and sight, i start missing her already.

i wonder how's life if i have the time to spend with her. hmm. but one thing i cant imagine is not having her in my life ah. i really cant imagine. most to most i be a boring guy ah. go camp, then go home. go camp and go home. sleep. hahaha..


i'm going to my cuz wedding soon. cant wait to see her bloom!! hehe. she's my fren, my enemy and my everything tau. coz last time i and her was taken care by my grandma and grew up together most of the time. so yah. i guess today will be a big turning point for us. hehe.

ok let me see....what else i got to splurge out.




o..i had a chat with a bmt buddy last night and we have 98 days left in the army. muhahaha. and another fren ask, where next after army? its bring me memories on my o levels days where i had to choose where to go. now, its not a matter which industry you go. but more of in which way i can serve society. i was thinking scdf coz of thier humantarian aid that they will do if help is needed. police is great too, dealing with arms and being close with the society and the prison is to put bad apples into the nice garden again.

i cant think abt all those right now. stress with work. work work work. haha.

i just cant wait for ndp where i start clearing leave already and leave the army happily.

i got to go now. off to my cuz wedding.
wee.......





love u izyan

love reading it?

some issue that i had to let it out somewhere....

its just sad that someone people think that they can get thru BMT easily and consider themselves train soldiers at the end of thier BMT life. I wouldnt want my name to be mention if this 'trained soldiers' ending up being more fuck up and being asked who was his previous superior and which company he came from.

my point here is that, someone in the platoon just want to have things to go his way. to miss this and that by going on status and thinking that i will not do anything about it. i might be new with my appointment that i am holding on now, but i'm certainly not new to the army..

fuck to u rec. u will die. die bitch. i rather you die suffering to clear all the training than telling poeple i didnt complete dis and that and be proud of it.




2nd thing....
its just piss me off that senior citizens now are taking advantage on the 'offer-this-seat-to-the-elderly' thing. i mean, u can rush up the bus to be the first and cutting queue so why cant u stand up and gave up seat to someone who is closer to that seat. if you are fit enough to run up the bus first, i guess you are fit enough to stand. you wouldnt need to run to that empty seat near me and tell me you need that seat coz u old. i saw u run up the bus with no prob.

whatever it is. u want to be old. god is there to punish u. it will come. i will over u willingly when i see u again. trust me.



i was talking abt stress and pms and birthday to gf just now. ok this is my theory to my body. if i'm stress i will get pimple..if i'm stress i will get pms or what gf call is 'high testerone level' (dunno correct or not, she typed this for me).

anyway, its that time of year that my birthday is coming ver fast. i think thats affecting my mood the past few days. haiz...


i end here first. sleepy lah

love reading it?