finally get to met yan today after a long break not seeing her. its kinda wierd meeting her just now. i dunno. the wierd feeling is just like the first time i met her a year ago. hehe. like dunno what to expect from her. whats more she was angry with me over the weekend.

anyway, it turn out well and we were back to our battle. the battle where our watches became victims of war! haha. she have to win no matter what. thats IZYAN for u. right dear?

o yah, i just found out today that my free watch cost $579 dollars over at Tangs. I been wearing an EXPENSIVE watch for a few months which i dont know about. haha. and dear, i think we shall reduce the number of watch fights. mahal kot the watch. haha.

anyway, went geylang today. Yan finally got her kebaya. sexy kot!! Fewwiet. hehe. cant wait to see her in that.

saw sri. izyan's best buddy. hmm. wierd lah seeing her. bleuk. ee. goose bumps.

broke fast at es tella. haha. i had no idea what outlet is it or where is located. but hey, its for sure a nice change to my eating place. hehe. thanz dear.

prayed all over SG! yey! i going to do that one day again.

what else eh? i dunno. its just great to see my baby again. i just want to be with all day and night.

mum in law happy to see me. haha.


love u baby! endz

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why such nick. well, that what i felt for the past few days.

happy. Why?

i FINALLY got my long awaited hair cut. went to the barber in my neighbourhood and saw my favourite barber. Gerek ah him. He knows what i wants. I had for 2 more people before it was my turn. and yesh, after 20 tiring minutes, i was my turn.
i told the barber how i wanted my hair to be like and it was finally sacrifice! i was sitting happily toking to the barber who is attending to me when the person after me was next. the guy, a chinese in his 30s, had jackie chan's hair, long, smooth and nicely maintained. he sat on a chair beside me. this conversation took place right after this.

Chinese man: Brother, potong GI eh. (Brother, i would want a GI hair cut)
Barber: eh lu biar betul? (are you darn sure?)
Chinese man: Yah. Betul betul. (yah, no doubt about it)
Barber: tapi lu punya rambut banyak panjang dan lawa ah. lu betul ah?! ( You hari is so long and nice. are you sure you want to cut it off)
Chinese man: Brother, wa tau susah nak percaya. Potong saja. ( Brother, i know its hard to believe but just do it).

everyone in the barber shop stop what ever they are doing while the barber attending to the chinese guy started preparing his stuff. The barber switched on his shaver and ask him one last time before giving the head a nice shave. I was like, only people who go in NS do that. haha. guess i was wrong. i recalled the day i was enlisted. haha. seeing my long hair dropping to the ground. anyway, i had a nice haircut. thats what i thought.

happy part 2. i bought myself a photo printer. yup. 189 dollars spent. but it was a good buy. plus i got this cool usb hub mouse pad for free.

haha. the print was nice. yup2. worth the buy. woohoo. sorry yanee i had to make u jealous about this. haha.

happy part 3
i got my white samping. yey.

sad part.
i made another foolish mistake. a selfish mistake. after almost 1 yr, i still create this shit. such a shit i am. such a lousy bf i am.

dunno part.
i dunno whats going in my life. i pampering myself like no people's busniess. but i forget certain important stuff in life. i want to live life the fullest. may it be my own happiness or others. but i just dont know how to fufill it. lost. lost in my own mind games.



its been a ride. raya's coming and i'm not feeling it. o well. this is what NS is doing to me. Gd riddance.

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its been a hell of a week. Fasting have been swell but alot of sleep have been sacrificed. yup. Its like, i got to work and work everyday and only getting 4 to 5 hours of sleep everyday. gosh, the dark ring around my eyes have gone darker. i hate it.

yan has been scolding me for being so obsessed with camera and photo printer that i going to get soon. haha. sorry yan. but i cant help it seeing the winners pictures using the function they have on thier camera. the effects, the color! argh.

i been happy with my life. my life have been assured with insurance. i hope i am doing the right stuff. been starting to pray again, thank god.

tml is yan's performance in a performance. and guess what? i get to watch it! FINALLY!!! yey. can see my baby go dancing around the stage and seeing her what she do best. cant wait cant wait.

sunday will heading to geylang with family. monday will be heading to geyland with yan, ayn and harj. tuesday all the indians go whale whale. wednesday kita chill and then thrusday, we will raya!!! hehe.

hmm, its kinda sad not to really feel the full spirit of Ramadhan. All the terawihs, the puasa, the prayers. all i did was spend time in camp. next year oso i will be fasting during my NS period. argh.

hair long liao. need to cut.

hmm. the week to look forward to! I will let my hair down for sure! and yes, i do have hair! haha.

but the sucky part, i got to go back camp on the night of raya ah. its like what sey. haiz. things the melayu got to suffer. part cine nye tahun baru off entah brapa hari. part melayu nye. jgn harap ah. datang balik camp juga ah. ok lah. tak nak berbual byk pasal ni semua nanti ade je kena masok court lah, kena tag rabak2 ah.

ok geng. selamatz. haha

its wierd right that i've type in malay. okok. really. tata!






love u baby!!! muakz!

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Photomarathon 05.

An experience i wont forget and will keep it with me till i cant take photographs anymore. Photomarathon 05, a competition like no other. Photography enthusias will have to battle it out from 9am to 8pm over 3 themes which are given during the marathon itself. The 3 themes are only given out at certain timing which is at 9am, 1 pm and 5 pm and each competitors are given 3 hrs for each theme. Sounds easy? Not easy when u are a first timer to the competition and have no private transport.

the competition itself was fun though. even when i am alone. i get to make new frens. all those tech geeks. you should see thier gears that they have. from pda to laptop to the very camera that they are using for the competition. i went in awe when i saw those. But i notice no one is using a Lumix. o well. here's the pics that i have submitted and those that i personally like.

Theme 1 : World in Motion



Theme 2 : Child's Play



Theme 3 : Fashion In Action




My Favourites











*images are not editted. Only resizing and stroke is done on these pictures on Photoshop 7

well, i learn a few lessons.

1. Shoot emotions, people and color. It will put people in awe when they see it.
2. Dont go shooting at the first thing that come to mind. sit down and think about it.
3. Really think out of the box. 10 photographers might be shooting on the same location so try to find different angles and emotions of that location. Angles that you might not think off.

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Yes, you noticed it. My title has been the same always. Well, I'm out of ideas for that and lets start by having perfect english in this entry, if possible. ha. o, Its that an english word?

Anyway, this week was easy going week i ever had in my NS life. yup. i did alot of paper work and 2 regimental duties! its just practically sit in front of the pc and enjoy the aircon. yup. the life of an army man here is not so bad after all.

o yah. i was in the bus 168 today going home from bedok. broke my fast in the bus and gosh, there was S-League on TV Mobile. Tampines Rovers versus Home United. Boring at first till one of them scored the first goal. i cant remember who scored first. then came the second. i was like wah. not bad. then came the third goal, the forth and finally, before i got down the bus, it was 5 goals in total with Home United leading. and guess what, its only the first half of the game. yah. its only THE FIRST HALF OF THE GOD DAMN GAME!! i mean come on. what they are trying to show the world? soccer players in the S-League can score alot and just dont care abt the defence? i mean, the defenders dont even make the effort to defend. they just stand there, 'dash' for the ball and look at the ball going into the goal and go sad. and guess what, at the end of the game, they get 100++ in cash. why is that so? why professional soccer in singapore is like this? are they there to get fame or to play soccer?

They should have this rule, 'YOU LOSE, NO MONEY'. This maybe a short term thing to encourage players in the S League will play hard to earn money for the week at least. Once players shows professionalism and commitment to play with thier heart and win for thier team. Look at those european players, they play with thier heart. giving thier best for soccer. thats how they earn fame. thats how soccer should be. to be at thier best and play for the best. and not like letting in goals. its like for the sake of making the crowds happy. i am certainly not happy wit this. enough of this soccer shit. GOAL 2010? ha. make it 2100. maybe we can win the Asian Cup.

--
it was sad news on thursday morning when i got a call from yan at 4am. i was soundly asleep when i heard the cries of my darling yan over the phone. She brought me the news of her grandma who had pass away peacefully that same morning. i was shocked. i was. the person who i met once, joked once, salam once and said bye once has left this world. the person who means a lot to yan. i was in a state of shock that morning. thinking of yan and her late grandma brings happy and sad memories i had with my late grandpa.

my grandpa is from my mother side and brought me up pretty well. i was under his care while my parents went to work. grandpa would always ask me to his form of massage on his back. His form was the then mini me steping on his legs and using the toes to due fine massages. hehe. i still remember the times it turned into a wrestling game and gosh, he was strong for an old lad. i wouldnt want to bore you with my childhood stories now. i will just share what i remembered that really shattered me.

i never had in my life, felt the pain of someone being gone from this world till the day grandpa was admitted to hospital in June 2000. He was seriously sick and doctors say he might not make it. it was the school holidays then so i made handful of trips to see him. i keep seeing him and talking to him seem so sad. he cant reply. he just feels pain. from there, my mum told me just read the 'dua kali masyahadat'(i dont know how to spell it). she didnt mention how many times, so i just keep saying it. i skipped lunch then dinner. i had to go back. back to school the next day.

i was in school the next day feeling happy and great having great hopes that my grandpa will be ok, but GOD prove me wrong. It brought me to my knees knowing that he was gone on that day. News was brought by my disipline master. Everyone knew me to be someone happy, joyful and carefree. But on that day, i was the saddest boy ever. Even my form teacher who saw me thought i was crazy and going to run away from school. she didnt know at first till she approach me.

i headed to my grandpa place in public transport. i was crying and crying. ignoring the people around me. it wasnt that bad lah the cries. just tears. i dont know how it really feels when someone is gone. i reach the house but the body is still in the hospital waiting for clearance. i waited patiently. really patient. till i saw my uncles and some of my late grandpa's friend carrying which look like a body. and it was. i shed tears even more now. i just read yassin along with my mum. waited and waited till, they wore the white cloth around my late grandpa. with the face exposed at first, i could take it seeing him so suci. so handsome. i was already sitting in the corner of the house not wanting to be near him. i dont. it feels wierd. at that time i reflected what all those years mean. all those great years spent with him.

while people reading doa and stuff, i knew he's really going to go. i cant take that emotional pain but to really cry and sob in that one corner. i cried really bad. everyone knew how close to him i was. i keep crying. i had to be let out of the house by my uncle as they say its not good to cry within the same room.i was weak. i was. i just kep quiet and cried.

then. the moment of truth. they done with doa and had to close his face for the final procession. everyone close to him had a chance to kiss him goodbye, espescially me. when it was my turn, i just sit beside him and stare at his face. i was trying so hard to smile. but to no avail. i just keep looking at him. i didnt think abt anything. just looked at him. everyone was waiting for me. 15 mins later, i kissed him and said, 'i had fun with you atok. i will join you again when my time is up. we will fly kite, pick out jackfruits together, go market together again k like we used too.' that moment everyone cried listen to me.

after that, i just say i'm done and cried. after solat jenazah, i was the first to go out and sat at a stone where me and my grandpa would sit at the open field in front of the block. i kept crying and sobbing.

everyone consoled me. and yes, i was ok by then. sent him off to his burial site. and i was ok. i know this is a life cycle. i know. till....

few weeks later, my grandma from my dad side left me.







i was such a big blow.
i just gave up.

and fufilled my grandpa's wish. and i would want to keep that wish to myself.

sorry for it being toooo long.
sorry

yan, i know how you feel about the lost. i know.
pray for her. and she will be happy somewhere out there.

love u yan.
love u atok.

tunggu ijal tau.

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yey. i'm back. i keep telling my buddies in camp that this 5 days in camp seem like 5 weeks in camp. gosh. i tell u. the time there in camp sudden slowed down for no reason. heh.

anyway, i have trainees under me. yey. Its PES C Recourse trainees. basically, these ppl downgraded thier Physical Employment Status (PES) from A to C. A being the best, nothing happen to the body and C is like in the middle, something happen to the body and can only do something in the army. The is PES E, the 2nd lowest for of the PES. PES E can only work as clerks in the army. yup. they come from all sorts of life. Its scary to know thier backgrounds as part of my job. haha. too bad is classified stuff that i cant tell u. really. i cant. sorry

Today i didnt wake up for sahur. When i woke up this morning, i didnt take notice of time and thought it was time for sahur. At this junture, my eyes was closed. i didnt open up my eyes till i sat at the edge of the bed and realise it was kinda bright for the sahur period. i was in a blurry state and wondered how come its bright. i took a glance at my watch and it was 7 am! yes!! 7 am! i didnt wake up for sahur and i am almost darn late for work! haha. i wondered how come no one woke me up. thier bodies on thier beds immediately answered the question. the only thought on my mind was will i be able to continue my fast even without sahur? i have hope on myself that i be able to continue fasting and have the strength to do so. at the end of the day, i did fast. not a day wasted, yet.

its taking its toll on us. us. its the repeat of the taiwan trip except that i could talk to her. we cant meet easily now days. she's working and i'm in camp and she has to buka with her family over the weekends. i got to be understanding and strong. my love for her is strong. i miss her. i love her.

ends.

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first the song.





then the subject of the email.



then the email itself.


now..i need to be alone. all alone. sorry baby. it somehow hit right in the middle in the heart. and i cant stop crying.

sorry baby for what i done. small mistake to ya, a fatal one to me. yup, and i guess it wont be the same with me and ben ah.

thanz for the email. the song. tok to ya tml.



Back to camp. the best place to be. yes it is.

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its finally book out again today. i was suppose to book out yesterday though, but too bad, i had duty to do. well, amongst the busy things i had to do during my tour of duty, i had a few gd moments doing it.

first, i cleared doubts of muslim parents about prayers and fasting in Army and they were glad i was there to help them. i was glad i knew something. secondly, after the oath taking, all the non-muslims get to go makan while the muslims had thier last moments together with thier beloved singaporean son. The recruits have to send thier family to the Tekong ferry terminal as part of routine that many batches of recuits have done. i reflect back MY moment as a recruit 1 year ago, sending my parents and my little brother to Tekong Ferry terminal. anyway, back to the current moment, this batch of recuits are those fit ones. They are the ones who passed thier NAPFA test in thier schs. Those macho2 guys. Yes, macho they are but they do have the emotional side of them. yup2.

there was only 4 malay family. so i get the privilage to talk with them and clear thier doubts again while they were waiting for the ferry back to mainland. worried parents and even one of the grandmother gave me the look when i told them NS is nothing until after they graduated from BMTC. HA. maybe i shouldnt say that. I was told by the ferry operators that the parents can take thier leave after that and yup, just as i expected from a malay muslim family. The salams, the hugs from the females and pats on the back from the males and gd luck wishes from both sexes. yup, 3 out of the 4 was emotionally strong i guess except for one. the one with the grandmother. my fren told me got one of them cried and i being the BODOH me say that its usual for the parents to cry. but i was so wrong. The grandma and the grandson was hugging each other ah and crying. aiya, i oso cry. But being the SOLDIER i should be, i just let them have the moment and smiled at the grandma and assure her that her grandson will be in good hands. Yup, in 'GOOD HANDS' of the Sergeants. Ahahkz. the grandma thanked me and she turned around facing the ferry and headed to the ferry. giving the last gd bye to her grandson, i stood beside him and asked, "is that your favorite granny?" he smiled and replied, "My only granny". I gave him the assurance that we will take care of him and i told him to make sure call his grandma often. and yah, after i handed him to the respective sergeants and officers, i went off.

Encik came to me and pat on my back. i heard what u did, job well done. weekend almost burned but priceless. things like this hardly come by in the outside world. and may i put it this way, i'm glad that i've got the chance to go thru it.

met baby today. short and sweet one. love u b!!!

bought the Straits Times today. Scary shit going on in this world. Terrorist now are crazy man. i mean, they are even attacking Mosques. I condem this acts! *i sound like PM LEE lah.* its really scary. this terrorist have been brought up the WRONG way. I am a muslim too but i wasnt taught to kill. to harm innocent peoples lives. to destroy homes. to create havoc. NO! this is not muslim ways. Even NABI say if we are to go into war, lifes wont be taken just like that. If this terrorist dont like what is going on in this world, then kill YOURSELF lah. u go hell. better. enjoyable what there. Nobody will condem u. Satan will love u. i mean, why? why you ppl have to do this. u want to wipe out all those non-muslim huh? i think cannot ah. you are not GOD, you are not ALLAH. if u are a terrorist and you are reading this, pls. Go refer to the Quran again, get the meaning right. Understand it. Pray. Talk to ALLAH. And you will know this is wrong.

i hope i wont go to court for this. will i?

earthquakes happening in India/Pakistan and Northen Sumatra. Will SAF be deployed again? i think we will be. Singapore will do every thing to get friendly ties with other countries. yup. this is good. us being small, we should find friendly ties. You know people say, what goes around comes around. We help people and hopefully, if (touchwood) anything happens to singapore, then people will help us. Insya'allah!

yup2. long entry. Just wondering why cant the world be like the 90s. even got those irritating ah bengs and ah lians, but at least the world is peaceful. In my belief along with my religion, earthquakes happen for a reason. only ALLAH knows.

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ye yey. its the fasting month already. yey. 1 day of fasting is over which means 29 more days to hari raya!

yey!!!

hehehe.

next intake coming in and alot of saikang to do. saikang means fatigue work which means alot of shit work. yup2.

gf on pms. becareful there!

bf in love. with who? with the gf of course even though she's on pms.

ends

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bored.

so i did this. seeing my baby change and change and change the layout. i oso want to change ah. HmPH!

and lukcy when she change and change and change nothing bad happen. well, not yet.



hope u ppl like it!

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going to be the fasting month soon. really soon.

its children's day today. happy children's day kids!

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