i had a bad bad headache at 1000hrs yesterday. thinking i didnt have anything in my tummy, i went lunch and hope that my headache will disappear. it didnt.

i thought i didnt had enough rest or sleep. so after lunch, i took a short nap. and i dreamt of some love one. no idea who...but i knew it was someone close in my dream. i woke up and my condition got worst.

i still carried on with my activity despite putting myself at risk. i went on with a 6km with my recruits who are so highly motivated out of the sudden. good job people. this is the PLATOON 4 that i want.

at the end of the 6km, the headache was still there. i decided to wash up and go for dinner then. but even before i was up, the fear being in camp and something happening out there happened. i got a call from home. i thought it would be my irritating brother wanting to tell me something. but it was mum.

the conversation with mum went this way:
mum: ijal, atok dah pergi!"(ijal, grandfather has left us!)
me: huh? atok mana? (huh? which atok?)
mum: atok kita. ayah punya ayah. dia dah pergi. (our atok. dad's dad. he has left)
me: huh! what? *at this point of time i didnt believe what i was hearing*
mum: atok jatoh. pastu kat hospital bile operate, dia meninggal.
(grandfather fell. when he was in hospital for an operation, he left us)
me: huh? i go home i go home now.

i was so darn lost you know. knowing that i have no more atok and only my nenek is left. immediately, all good things come. i have good sergeants that willing to replace my duty today. they stand in for me even though they have stuff to do outside. i thank you for that.

the journey home sucks. really. it felt like as it i was a few months pregnant. with headaches, vomitting, stomach aches and the fever thats not sure if it wants to come or not. it was hell lah.

i was home and the pain is there still and its a pity that the body was still in the hospital.



today, 22 july 2006 i saw my late grandfather in a different state. all in white. all smiling away. the smile that says he's happy out there. ironically, my late grandmother passed away during 15-17 july 2000. i cant remember excatly when but its like they passed away almost together.

and my other late grandfather was like ard 20-30 june 2000. :( i miss them. maybe is me? it happens ard my birthday time.

anyway, my only grandmother was there at my late grandfather house. when the body was already washed, we viewed the body together. and the next thing, both of us was crying. i dont know what my granny was crying about but for me, i'm crying coz i was foolish enough not to noe a great man. haiz. see lah. i always make this kind of mistakes u noe.

and so tears roll down our cheeks and we have trouble holding them back. there was one point of time i hug my nenek to comfort her and she just whispered to my ears,

ijal, you only left me as a grandparent. the other 3 are gone. be strong k. i love you ijal.

i straight away cry like jay lim lah! haiz.

anyways, to cut things short, everything went smoothly. alhamdulillah.






done with that. i wanna talk abt singapore idol. joakim is darn lucky bastard. becoz he got the looks, all the girls go vote for him even though he got a lousy voice. and why the fuck the better singer get voted out. i get revenge on u joakim. i will....i bet u go out next round.

as my ns days is coming to an end, i neeed to ponder and wonder whats next? trying to sign on is a sure thing but where and what? i'm for sure try to get a degreeeee...
o well. lets see what i update tomorrow then. haha.

run run tml morning. must run!

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