i dont know how to begin blogging for this entry nor i dont know what to talk about to start of my entry. i'm just in that crappy mood again where your mood is like at the lowest level. yup, even lower then hell's lowest basement.

i think i start talking about today. what happen today gave me an eye opener how my brother really is. i'm not talking bad about him or blaming him to be him but its a matter of how he is brought up.

o yah, since i never been blogging for a long time, i would want to make this a long one. yup, with almost perfect and simple english to come along with it. options, you can read or just scroll down to the last few parts of this entry.

my plan of having to exercise in the morning was a dream when i notice the hand of the clock was at the wrong angle that i wanted it to be. 1000 hrs. i was lazy to get up and just switch on the tv with my tiny toes and watched 'Flight Of The Reindeer'. It was a nice X-mas-sy movie for the holiday season. i was then really awaken to my mother asking me if i would bring my brother to Wild Wild Wet over at Pasir Ris along with my aunties. i said no. i was darn tired and i had plans to clean up my room and such.

mum was ok with it and i was ok with it too, till my aunt called and told my dad about it. gosh, my dad gave me this look when i told him i didnt want to go. i was too tired, physically. i mean yah i am fit but i'm still human right? being the 'good' boy i am, i listened to my dad's orders and head down to WWW with my bro and mum. i didnt bring my swimming attire along though, tired and sick. really, i was sick. felt like vomitting. It must be something i ate this morning. anyways, went out and met aunts and cousins at jurong east interchange.

there, questions arise.'Why you didnt bring this and that this and that?' and 'How come you like this and that this and that?". i answered them politely even though my mood was slight not on the good side due to my tired body and sick soul i had.

all was fine until we arrived at WWW. I really didnt want to go in the water but aunt just said this one good sentence "You are his brother and you should go along with him into the water. And whats more, you are here and you are not swimming. What kind of brother are you" Mum listening to it just pat me on my back and sigh cause she's younger than my aunt. obviously, my mum was on the losing side. i gave my aunt the look and in my heart i wanted to answer back with this "you are the one invited him to this place, how come YOU are not in the water? and dont you know i am darn sick?" but i cant. i really wish i could.

inside WWW, i took one of the tanning chair and place it far from my aunts and cousins. really far. Around 20m away. i just sat there and look at the sky. wondered how come they are like this. why i am becoming this way. i just pondered and wondered. i slept for like 2 hrs there till...

..........

closing time and my brother was finally out of the water. i got my brother washed up and out of WWW in like 5 mins leaving my aunt and cousins behind. i brought him to bk straight for a nice meal when my aunt called and asked where the hell am i. its my fault in this part, but i didnt cared. they later joined me eating dinner in BK too. my younger cousin (there are 2 of them) who is like 4 yrs old had this cheese stick food that her mum bought and well, my brother started to be mischievious and steal those sticks from her. i told my brother to stop as its not nice but he ignored me and took more. i gave me a good 'pat' on his back and well, he got annoyed and being the small kid he is, started crying in front of my aunts.

"whats worng with you!!!!?" and a push towards my head was given. what fuck, you tell me not to play with people's head when i was young. now u play with my head. "i'm just teaching him whats wrong and right? isnt that my job? he should not just take. at least, wait to be offered. not stand there wait to steal or look like a begger asking for food." i said. "you shouldnt do that ok. very bad of you. lousy brother you are.", my aunt said. ok. fine lousy. go ahead. take him as your child. you are single and bloody childless and got loads of cash. easy for you to say. but when you have a child to take care, a husband to cheer up and not much of cash in hand, would you think its easy?

i was pissed. i saw my brother was being pampered 200% by everyone. my mum and me looked on. "how could you treat your brother like this" my aunt said. i didnt cared. ignore my aunt saying and just stared at my brother. no wonder he's being bullied by people in school. my brother didnt head to my mum to be consoled but to my aunt. whats this? i was darn pissed. i told my mum lets make a move first and we did.

my brother hid behind my mum all the way while walking to the bus stop, i just walked in front ahead of them and at one point of time, my mum ask my brother to say sorry to me, but he wouldnt unless i did it first. i freaking shouted at him "if you think mum and me arent good enough for you, then go. go to your aunt. she can give you the world. what can we give you? nothing right? go lah!" he shut up and continue walking.

we took the bus-bus-train journey home. but up and down the bus i didnt talk to him. but, i had to give in cause he is my brother. 11 years ago, i was begging my parents if i could have a brother. well, he's here. take care of him. i had to teach him a lesson. i think i did. he said sorry to me back in the end and everything is ok. but i dont like the fact that he is the most pampered bastard in my family. i dont know what will happen to him soon enough in the future.
........

i'm going to sign on to SCDF as a Dart Specialist hopefully. Why not army you may ask since i'm in it already? well, i dont know. It just seem that Army is a 'show' kind of thing and going up the ranks in my race is kind of hard. its possible but hard. so yah, for now i am certain to play with water. but still keeping my options open. maybe the police? hmm. i dont know. just wait and see.

.......

year 2005 is coming to an end. and for me, 2005 is a sucky year for me. pretty much alot of downs. hopefully there are more ups in 2006. i really hope so. haiz. Merry Xmas and Happy new year ppl!!!!!

2006 resolution:
1. Get any driving license.
2. Get a career.
3. Paint room
4. Hope my dad quits smoking
5. Get a Lumix FZ30
6. A happy life with family, friends and my beloved darling, Nur Izyan Sazali.





i love you dear. alwayz. your dont have to see it or touch it to believe it. just believe whats in your heart and touch it gently. <3 iLu

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